


Ew, Tropes

by orphan_account



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Beauty and the Beast, M/M, Theater AU, Tropes, juno narrates, narration, script
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-06 15:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11039010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: there's not much good at hyperion high school, but juno's trying to work on that. the logical way of doing so, of course, is to create a drama club.he's got his own story playing out, too. best friends, nonexistent parents- just like a disney movie. just missing a love interest.but juno doesn't need one of those.





	1. Exposition

 

**EW, TROPES**

 

A Fanfic in Two Acts

 

bi Athenaness21

(misspelling intentional)  
(I'm funny)

 

 

Cast Of Characters

Juno Steel- our protagonist, a smol fourteen-year-old boy.

Peter Nureyev- mysterious stagehand. ??? everyone calls him Rex???

Rita- happy go lucky, nice accent, we like her. 

Mick Mercury- best friend, bad luck, banned from the theater due to said bad luck. and a light.

Sasha Wire- kind of best friend. occasionally ignored Juno.

Allesandra Strong- her surname describes her personality pretty well.

Ramses O'Flaherty- teacher, director, has a nice beard.

Mag- the principal. Is not very bipartisan.

Cecil Kanagawa- rich kid with weird interests.

Julian DiMaggio- wants to be an actor  _so damn much._

Tony- some dude. pretty unimportant- BUT SUSPICIOUS.

 

Setting- Hyperion Middle School

 

Time- Present

 


	2. Scene One

 

 

**ACT ONE**

 

 

**SCENE ONE**

**enter- Juno Steel (JUNO), Peter Nureyev/Rex (REX), and Ramses O'Flahrity (RAMSES)  
setting- theater; Hyperion High**

**[Spotlight on JUNO]**

JUNO:  _[narration]_ To get anywhere in life, you have to understand a few things, especially when you make a business in improving the shittiest school in existence. If you're a high schooler, like me, you've got to understand that most teachers are only there for the salary- most won't help with your afterschool schemes. You've also got to figure out how to find the ones that will- like Ramses.

I wanted to start a theater club- nothing big, just a small production. Beauty and the Beast, to be specific. Not exactly my thing, but I didn't have much of a choice. Cecil was funding us- but only under the condition that he could choose the play. And Cecil loved a romance, especially with a dash of mob violence.

I recruited Ramses for that, we need a teacher to be in the school with us after school, no matter  _how_ much money you have backing you. And we got one. 

Only problem? He came with baggage.

 

RAMSES: Juno, this is Rex. He wanted to work backstage.

 

JUNO:  _[narration]_ The kid was pretty, at least. Nice glasses. He wore a bit too much cologne, but I could believe that he knew his way around backstage. I would have pegged him for a lead role, and I would've given him the part. Nice name- though I've heard it's not his real one. Still, who can judge?

But no matter how pretty he was, I was being ordered around, and I hate being ordered around. 

 

JUNO:  _[dialouge]_ I dunno, Ramses. We don't need much more stagehands...

RAMSES: Juno, I know theater. You always need more stagehands. And besides, you owe me. 

 

JUNO:  _[narration]_ I did, and that was the problem. There wasn't a single other teacher willing to work overtime to help some kids perform a Disney movie. 

 

JUNO:  _[dialouge]_ Sure I do. I guess... Rex, did you say his name was? Rex can stay.

REX: Glad you came to that conclusion, beauty.

 

JUNO:  _[narration]_ I wasn't sure what I was expecting from him, but that wasn't it. 

 

 

JUNO: _[dialogue]_ Jesus, I'm not pretty. I'm just trying to organize this damn thing-

REX: I'd argue.

JUNO: Well, you're entitled to your opinion.

REX: _[chuckles]_ Pleased to meet you, Juno Steel. It's a pleasure to be working with you.

 

[FADE TO BLACK] [SPOTLIGHT ON JUNO]

 

JUNO:  _[narration]_ And that was Rex. Pretentious, good posture, cute, just a bit over the top, and a great laugh. I'd be lying if I said I didn't hate him sometimes, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't love him just as often. 

But he wasn't a real person. Another thing you need to understand if you want to get anywhere in life- some personas aren't real, and you've got to know how to find the ones that are.

 

[CURTAINS]


	3. Scene Two

**SCENE TWO**

 

**enter- Juno Steel (JUNO), Alessandra Strong (ALES), Mick Mercury (MICK), Sasha Wire (SASHA), Julian DiMaggio (JULIAN), Ramses O'Flahrity (RAMES), and Tony (TONY)**

**setting- theater; Hyperion High**

 

JUNO:  _[narration]_ Auditions have never been my favorite part of acting- not even the top ten. Maybe top three hundred, if I like the director.

Mick was there, he was sitting next to me, legs crossed at the ankle. Sasha was on his other side, feet propped up on the seat in front of her. Julian DiMaggio on  _my_ other side.

Ah, Julian. Actor extraordinaire, but can't sing for shit. Honestly, I don't know where he came from, or how we became friends. We just did, and I've regreted almost every second since. 

 

MICK: Hey, Sash, what's with the sunglasses?

SASHA: I like th-

JUNO: She thinks they make her look intimidating. 

SASHA: I do not!

JUNO: 'course you do.

SASHA: I do not- well, yes, I do, but that's not why I like them. It gets so sunny around here-

MICK: You know, Sash, it's like 36 and cloudy.

SASHA: Well, sometimes, Mick, it does get that sunny, and I need to prepare.

MICK: Yeah, but-

JUNO: Whatever. Drop it, Mick.

MICK: But-

JUNO: Drop it.

 

[RAMSES stands up]

 

RAMSES: Hello, and welcome to Hyperion's first theater program! I'm Ramses, I'm directing this play. I'm sure you all know how auditioning works, so I'll let you take the stage! First on- Tony F.

 

JUNO:  _[narration]_ The only thing that struck me about Tony was his height- and maybe how Julian looked at him. Tony wasn't a pretty as, say, Peter, nor was he memorable, like Mick. He was just kind of there. 

He started singing- his voice wasn't anything special, and he obviously knew it- good. People who don't know they're bad are one of the worst types of people. 

 

TONY: Thank you, thank you. I would love to continue my singing, but I assume that you're all bored by now. Of course, you've got a few more. I'd like to read a sonnet by Robert Frost for my verbal presentation.

 

JUNO:  _[narration]_ And so he did. It probably wasn't a bad poem, but I nearly fell asleep regardless. I'm not a poetry guy. Next was a tall girl named Alessandra- she was pretty, prettier than Tony. She sang a song from beauty and the beast- I'm not sure which, then read a passage of shakespeare. 

 

ALES: Hello- please don't talk during the performance, the actors hate it.

 

JUNO: _[narration]_ A girl who introduced herself as Rita- sang, read.

 

RITA: Hi! My name's Rita, and I'll be singing 'Shake it Off', by Taylor Swift.

 

JUNO: _[narration]_ Julian Dimaggio- sang, read something he'd probably written himself. It was okay.

 

JULIAN: Oh, Mister Ramses, I've prepared a poem for my audition-

 

JUNO: _[narration]_ Sasha went up after him. She was good- better than I'd probably do. Then Mick. Then me.

 

RAMSES: Juno Steel, please come up to the stage.

JUNO:  _[dialogue]_ Of course.

 

JUNO:  _[narration]_ I sang 'That Man' by Caro Emerald- singing both parts, as I didn't have accompaniment. Then I read something.

 

JUNO:  _[dialogue]_ I'm going to be reading a monologue from 'It's a Family Affair, We'll Settle it Ourselves'.  
_Ahem. [quoting]_ What a pleasant occupation these dances are! Very good indeed! What could be more delightful? You go to the assembly, or to somebody's wedding, you sit down, naturally, all beflowered like a doll or a magazine picture. Suddenly up runs a gentleman: "May I have the happiness, miss?" Well, you see, if he's a man of wit, or a military individual, you accept, drop your eyes a little, and answer: "If you please, with pleasure!" Ah! _[Warmly]_ Most fas-ci-nat-ing! Simply beyond understanding!...

 

JUNO:  _[narration]_ I continued, read the entire piece, then sat down next to Sasha and Mick. Ramses shuffled his papers and clapped once.

 

RAMSES: Congratulations, everyone. I think that's all for today. Have a nice weekend, I'll see you all on Monday for rehearsal.

 

[CURTAINS]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i did switch around mags and ramses, because it made more sense...


	4. Scene Three

**SCENE THREE**

 

**enter- Juno Steel (Juno)**

**setting- theater; Hyperion High**

 

JUNO:  _[narration]_ The roles were posted the next day, outside of the detention room on a cream colored paper.  _[holds up paper, begins reading it]_    
Lumière- Julian D.  
Cogsworth- Tony F.  
Gaston- Sasha W.  
Le Fou- Mick M.  
The Beast/Adam- Alessandra S.  
Belle- Juno S.  
 _[puts paper down]_ It went on to list the understudies- Sasha was mine, Rita was Sasha's, and King was Alessandra's.  
We had rehearsal the next day- that's where I was, sitting in-between Sasha and Alessandra.

 

**enter- Alessandra Strong (ALES), Sasha Wire (SASHA), Mick Mercury (MICK), Ramses O'Flahrity (RAMSES), Tony (TONY), and Julian Dimaggio (JULIAN)**

JUNO: _[dialouge, to Alessandra]_ Hey, can I call you Ales?

ALES: Over my dead body, sure.

JUNO: There won't be much point then unless you want me to read at your funeral.

ALES: You can do that when I'm dead.

JUNO: Well, yeah, that's kind of the point.

ALES: Geez, who do you think you are? Shut up.

 

JUNO:   _[narration, fondly]_ Ah, yes. Ales. So friendly to strangers. 

 

RAMSES: Welcome, one and all, to the first theater rehearsal held in this building! I'm your director-

ALES: Yeah, yeah, you've said this already.

RAMSES: Alessandra, was it?

ALES: Yes.

RAMSES: Well- Well, yes, I suppose I have. Thank you, Ales.

 

JUNO:   _[narration]_ Alessandra obviously didn't like being called Ales, but she didn't say anything. She knew when to stop. I just thought sometimes it was better to not start.  
We started reading through the script. It was the Disney version- a lot more Stockholm syndrome and a lot less mobs- so it was pretty easy. A bit boring- a stupid romance, a kidnapping, some wolves... eh.  
The most interesting part of my afternoon- not that that's saying much- was after rehearsal, when King walked up, quietly smiling at a joke none of us knew.


	5. Scene Four

**SCENE FOUR**

 

**exit- ... everyone but Juno Steel (JUNO)**

**enter- Peter Nureyev/Rex (REX)**

**setting- theater; Hyperion High**

 

REX: Hello, beauty.

JUNO: I'm not pretty, I told you.

REX: I wasn't referring to that- though you are. I was talking about your part. Pretty impressive, I'd say.

JUNO:  _[smirks]_ I'm inclined to believe that the election was rigged.

REX: Don't flatter yourself, princess. It wasn't me. 

JUNO: I didn't think it was. I didn't think Ramses would listen to you that much.

REX: Oh, I can get people to do what I want, most of the time. Anyone can, really- if you know how to talk to them. You, though. You're tricky. 

JUNO: Glad I present a challenge. 

REX: Oh, you do, Juno Steel. You do.

JUNO: And you do backstage?

REX: Huh? Oh, yes. I do. It's easier. Acting's a bit easy.

 

JUNO:  _[narration]_ I have to say, I was offended. I wouldn't say that acting was 'a bit easy'. 

 

JUNO:  _[dialogue]_ What do you mean?

REX: Oh, nothing. But when you're acting every second of your life- a few extra hours doesn't seem that interesting. 

 

[FADE OUT] [SPOTLIGHT ON JUNO]

**exit- Peter Nureyev/Rex (REX)**

 

JUNO:  _[narration]_ I thought about Rex had said. He didn't seem upset, just resigned. Sounds a bit cliche, but so does Rex.   
Almost like it's not real- because it isn't. 

[FADE OUT]


End file.
